I Can't Watch Black Trauma Anymore
Packs Shipment No. 8
Rams Head Coach Sean McVay is sitting at his desk in the opening scene of the latest episode of HBO’s Hard Knocks, a documentary showcasing the Los Angeles Rams and Los Angeles Chargers training camp. An assistant is showing McVay a video on a cellphone before gunshots and screams erupt from its speakers. McVay, the youngest coach in the NFL, is beside himself at what he just watched: “Are you freaking kidding me?”
That was the first time Sean McVay had seen the video of Kenosha, Wisconsin police officers shoot Jacob Blake seven times in the back. McVay was able to watch the video before heading out to the field and practicing plays with his team, but I’ve been avoiding the viral video since Blake’s name and death landed atop Twitter’s trending section a few days ago. It’s become too much.
Photo Credit: Chad Davis
My willingness to watch police murders of black men and women has changed since I watched all seven minutes of George Floyd’s murder. Those final minutes of George’s life were broadcasted on loop among various platforms. It was shoved in my face as news organizations dissected the murder and the subsequent protests that followed. It's hard not to watch a video of murder when it’s delivered directly to your phone as a notification or quote retweet.
As the days go by, new information and angles are usually released. Watching Floyd slowly lose consciousness while he pleaded for mercy lights a fire that lasts weeks. But the newly released video of him being assaulted while handcuffed in the back of the police car will reignite those feelings weeks later.
For the real rock hearted, you can watch the minutes before police arrived, the last civil minutes George was afforded as he talked to the store clerk who called the police on him. The clerk was obviously unable to foresee that the police officers he called would kill next to his business.
All of the new footage, body cams, and perspectives only make me more upset, angrier, and depressed. So when the Jacob Blake video started making its rounds on Twitter, I couldn’t bring myself to press play. I can’t subject myself to the content anymore.
I’m afraid of what a steady stream of this type of content is doing to me mentally. I’m afraid of this stuff being more normalized than it already has. Now, I’m stuck in a perpetual tug-of-war with myself. Do I continue to subject myself to videos of Black men, women, and children being killed by police to know how their names are being erased? Or do I stay away and accept a level of ignorance that comes with not watching the evidence with my own two eyes?
A 2013 study found that people exposed to six or more hours of media coverage from the Boston bombing accrued more acute stress than people at the bombing location, in Boston during the lockdown and manhunt, or knew someone in either situation.
In 2015, a study found that 22% of people who viewed violent acts like school shootings and suicide bombings on social media had high clinical levels of PTSD even though they had only seen the event on social media. Dr. Pam Ramsden, from the Faculty of Social Sciences and the University of Bradford, said of the study’s findings: “It is quite worrying that nearly a quarter of those who viewed the images scored high on clinical measures of PTSD … With increased access to social media and the internet via tablets and smartphones, we need to ensure that people are aware of the risks of viewing these images and that appropriate support is available for those who need it.”
That support is not available on the platforms that show us the content. Even though Twitter has warnings about graphic content, it’s still easy for unwanted uncensored violent images or videos to find their way onto your timeline in top-quality. With a lack of resources to aid people who are flooded with violent videos, the only alternative is to avoid the videos altogether.
In a New York Times article, Mychal Denzel Smith— the author of “Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching: A Young Black Man’s Education”— admitted he decided to stop watching videos of police brutality. “I could not watch another lynching,” Smith said.
I followed the same plan Daniel Prude, a Black New York man who was suffocated to death in March after police put a hood over his face and held his head against the concrete for two minutes. Video of that incident was just released, and I refuse to watch it. These videos have become too abundant to watch with regularity, and I feel terrible about not watching it.
Avoiding these videos feels like being woefully self-shielding, like a crowd of Medieval bystanders turning their head seconds before the guillotine completed its execution. Smith admitted he struggles with the same emotional dilemma. “This is a lived reality for people, and how dare I separate myself from it as if this doesn’t affect me as well,” Smith said to the NYT. “As if it couldn’t one day be me on that video.”
I understand that these videos are necessary for the constant struggle against police brutality and systemic racism. If the bodies are being brutalized anyway, we should have the footage than not. The only way cops are held accountable is if these videos are distributed en masse. But at the same time, it’s getting harder to watch every new video of Black people losing their life on such a consistent basis.
I’m struggling with that again, as cell phone footage of Deon Gray—an 18-year old Black boy who was shot and killed in DC on Thursday— has been circulating throughout Twitter. Though Gray was holding a gun in the screenshot that I cannot avoid, Twitter commenters say Gray tossed the gun before police fired, another unjustifiable death recorded for our eyes.
My thumb is hovering over the play button, questioning if my mind can take seeing another Black body go limp.
Heat Packs
Valee
I’m a simple man. If I see new Valee, then I click. The GOOD Music signee has been pretty consistent over the past two years, and “Rice” is just another showing of Valee’s Call Of Duty-like aim. “Rice” is another quick offering from Valee, only clocking a little over a minute, something he’s been doing all year. The punchy production from Kilt Kart grabs your attention from the first beat drop. Valee’s nonchalant tone cradles you to the finish line with the lifestyle raps that made Earl want to play him at every turn.
Teezo Touchdown
I’d be crazy to pigeonhole Beaumont’s Teezo Touchdown to one genre. The young artist has shown the ability to pursue whatever genre he wants. Unless he wants to create one of his own. “Strong Friend” is a sunny indie-punk ballad from the California coastline about checking on your friends’ mental health. But "Slice" is a bassy, mesmerizing track filled with auto-tuned crooning about taking care of the family. Neither of the two songs mentioned above sound like “SUCKA,” which sounds like it could be one of the first rap songs ever recorded.
I can do this all day between Teezo’s small but rapidly growing number of collection. Teezo’s eccentric taste doesn’t feel like an artist who is still trying to figure out their sound, but one who’s comfortable bending whatever genre they choose to their will. Nothing shows that more one than one of the most intentionally creative musical ventures I've seen from an artist this year—his Pigeons & Planes interview.
Curren$y
I’m playing this on Labor Day with a side of barbecue, and you should, too. This is one of my favorite songs from Spitta across his career. It’s a jazzy and smooth record, perfect for a joint, a drink, and some backyard vibes. Couple this with a plate in your cookout stance, and your Labor Day Monday might be the best you’ve had all year.
Welp, hope y’all enjoyed this edition of Packs. We back next Friday with a new delivery.
Between Packs, follow me on all the socials: @Tribecalledni on damn-near everything.
Until next time, be cool.
So glad you see the value in taking care of yourself, and that it’s not selfish to do so!